They Cannot Take Our Community

Words of Encouragement

Hi friends. There's some dark stuff going on in the United States right now. We're up to five Executive Orders against trans people, a slew of Executive Orders against others, dismantling DEI, the CDC and the Department of State scrubbing the existence of trans (and intersex) people among so much more. ICE was already two blocks down from my house doing a raid. People are yelling the T slur in Congress. Trans and nonbinary people can’t get passports to leave the country. It’s a lot. Transphobia, racism, xenophobia, ableism, and bigotry are rampant. It's all overwhelming trying to balance the need to stay informed and the need to caretake my mental health.

Do you know what often gets lost? The massive community of support that trans people have. It's those that see you fully and completely for who you are. It’s the people who don't fully get it but provide support anyway. It includes those that just appreciate the strength of trans folks to be ourselves. We could all use some encouragement from time to time, and even more so when things are tough. Below is a compilation of well wishes, encouragement, and affirmations that have been written to me since I transitioned. There’s power in each individual message. There’s even more power by presenting these messages as a compilation. I know how easy it is to feel alone, but the community of support is really large. I can’t tell you how powerful a quick note or check in is. Hopefully these comments give you the joy that they have given me, and can help power you through these challenging times.

xoxo Veronica

When I announced my transition professionally:

One: Hi Veronica! I know it has been a bit since we spoke and when I left (company). Wanted to drop a note to say how happy I am for you and cheering for you!

Two: Congrats on the major life update, Veronica. Nothing more admirable than living as your authentic self! Cheers.

Three: Hi Veronica! I hope you're doing well. I noticed your updated LinkedIn profile picture and wanted to express my support and respect for your transition. I'm here to support you in any way I can.

Four: Thanks for sharing this important update. I wish you the best on your journey. Please let me know if there’s anything you ever need of me.

Five: I hope this is not only an important (as you indicate) but happy and satisfying event in your life! Thank you for including me in the communications and trusting me with this information, as it is VERY personal, and I admire your willingness to share so much.

Six: Thank you for sharing with me. It is courageous and inspiring to see you honor your truth. I wish you all the best during this time of transition, and I am here to support you in any way I can. I enjoyed my time with (deadname) and can’t wait to meet Veronica. (Veronica’s note: I asked that people not begin calling me Veronica until my social transition date. So, in this specific instance, using (deadname) was respectful and honoring my boundaries.)

Seven: I very much appreciate this note. I am very happy for you and support your journey in any way I can. Please take care of yourself and know that I support you in this journey.

Eight: I’m so proud of you and while I know this time can be filled with many different emotions, I hope you and your family are celebrating you!

Nine: It is a very brave choice to share this information within the workplace. Many people simply choose to change jobs, as I’m sure you know. You know I’m a strong advocate for the trans community and it’s personal to me…If there is anything I can do to help or support you, please reach out.

Ten: I applaud your bravery and for being straightforward with us. I can’t begin to imagine how much strength it must have taken to announce your transition to us all. I am happy that you are able to travel the journey you are meant to travel. Cheers to the journey ahead!

Eleven: Thank you for sharing this part of your journey with us! I hope that the process of transitioning goes smoothly for you and if there is anything I need to do (or do differently) to support you please let me know!

Personal congrats at transitioning:

Twelve: My mama told me your big news, sending you love on your journey to finding YOU! (Veronica’s note: This person’s mom asked for and received permission to pass the news along)

Thirteen: Hey there. Though we only really know each other through fantasy sports stuff, I wanted to send a personal note letting you know I wish you all the happiness. Can’t even imagine the bravery this all has required and everything emotionally you have gone through. Hope all people in your life are truly supportive and caring along your journey. All the best to you!

Fourteen: Without change, there would be no butterflies. I am beyond grateful to have you and (your wife) and (your kids) in my life. Last night was joyful as always, and I look forward to making so many more memories with you as Veronica. You are brave, you are beautiful, and you are an inspiration to others. And (your wife's) necklace is so appropriate. She truly is your unicorn.

Fifteen: Oh sweetie I'm so happy for you. Fucking rock that shit.

Sixteen: Well you hid your struggle well. I applaud you for your transparency in sharing your transition. I can only imagine having to keep this a secret for so long must have been difficult. Were you holding out for your mom? I’m grateful you have your family’s support and love. May you live in peace making the change for you. (Veronica’s note: My mom passed away in 2020, three years before I transitioned)

Seventeen: I'm glad you are able to transition into the real you. Know that you are in my prayers as you go through this transformation. I can't wait to hear your new name and the story behind it.

Eighteen: You will always have my unrelenting love and support, Veronica.

Nineteen: This was very brave of you to share. Thank you for trusting us. You’ve got an Elvis Costello song stuck in my head now though…

Twenty: Life is too short not to live it ! Love you and the family !

Twenty-One: Love this! Support and love to you and your Family, Veronica.

Twenty-Two: Thank you for sharing and for letting us know that you, Veronica, and (your wife) are handling this transition together. I hope this continues to bring you peace and joy.

Twenty-Three: Thank you for sharing with us. I know it’s not easy. I’m happy you are now yourself. Love and support to you and your family.

Twenty-Four: Veronica, Just a quick note to let you know I'm happy for you. This will be my first time experiencing a friend transitioning, so I'll do my best to be supportive, and don't hesitate to let me know if I can do better. Hope all's well!

Twenty-Five: I’m so happy for you, Veronica. Sharing this took an immense amount of bravery. Please know you have my support and I am proud to have a friend as courageous, self-aware, and compassionate as you. I’m so happy the GAHT is working so well for you too. That can be a difficult and arduous process, but it sounds like it’s working well so far. And can I assume the name Veronica is inspired by the Elvis Costello song you love? Best wishes to you, (your wife), and your beautiful family as you move forward together. (Veronica’s note: GAHT is gender affirming hormone therapy)

Twenty-Six: Thank you for sharing and congrats, so wonderful to have such close support.

Twenty-Seven: Proud of you for staying strong and doing what makes you happy!

Twenty-Eight: Very happy for you and hope you feel loved and supported on your journey.

Twenty-Nine: Veronica, Would love to get together with you & (your wife) to hear more about your journey at some point. So appreciate you guys and the way you are walking this out. Love you all!

Thirty: You have all the support we can send you, continue to do what you do and be your best person Veronica

Thirty-One: Much love, Veronica! so incredibly proud of you

Thirty-Two: I know we haven't spoken in years but I heard your exciting news and I was so happy for you! I just wanted to tell you I think you're a strong, brave, beautiful soul and I just want you to know that I'm here to support you however you need others in the world to support you. I know you don't need my support because you are clearly a badass but I come to you from a place of love and respect. I hope you are happy, healthy and better than ever!

Thirty-Three: Thank you for your bravery Veronica in this troubling time, we love and support you

Thirty-Four: I'm proud of you and how far you've come in such a short time. It's time to let Veronica live!!

Thirty-Five: I love this! It must feel amazing to be fully free and living your best life in truth. I’m really happy for you! I hope everyone shows you nothing but love and support.

Unprompted messages

Thirty-Six: I’m on the plane reviewing some texts and I’ve officially changed my contacts to your real name! Thinking of you a lot, especially these days close to the International Transgender Day of Visibility. Proud of you, Veronica!

Thirty-Seven: People finally get to see the real you in the theme park environment and that's awesome! Well you've been such a staple in the SFGAM community since I've been here and we even got to meet in person. I'm just so happy you get to live your truth and be the girl you were meant to be! you deserve it!! (Veronica’s note: SFGAM is Six Flags Great America)

Thirty-Eight: Ik this may sound stupid coming from me but, relating to your most recent post I’m proud of you!! I know when I came out even when people who didn’t really know me said they were proud of me it made a difference. There’s going to be shitty people out there but just ignore them.

Thirty-Nine: Hi Veronica! I just read your latest Substack post and wanted to tell you that you are an inspiration to many and brave to talk about your life's journey. I hope you are enjoying the holiday weekend!

Forty: Thinking of our hockey game in Chicago. How I see pictures I love to see your new self. Bye old you...welcome Veronica

Forty-One: …I hope that you are getting far more support than negative reactions from friends and family. Personally, I don't know anyone else who has or is transitioning. I won't pretend to understand how you were feeling and how difficult it was all these years and to go through what you are going now. I want to offer my support. I hope that nothing I did or said in the past has made you uncomfortable. If I did, I am sorry. I will do my best to use your new name and pronouns. If I err, please know that its not intentional. I wish you well on your journey and I hope that we stay in touch.

Forty-Two: You know I’m so proud of you for all your advocacy!!

Forty-Three: Watching your story as long as we’ve been connected has been truly inspiring. I’m so incredibly happy for you Veronica!

Forty-Four: It's been amazing to read about who you are and about you not having to be afraid of being you anymore. And it really makes no sense why the world (tries to) force people to feel shame over things that they had no control over.

Forty-Five: Hi Veronica and (a trans woman who just came out)! You are both important people in my life and this is what the word “network” is all about right? We’ve all worked together in high tech and both of you have a very similar story that was fully revealed this year. Perhaps connecting virtually would be fun. (the other trans woman) lives in Finland, Veronica lives in Chicagoland. Have a wonderful day!

Forty-Six: Hi Veronica! I love seeing your posts about your journey. Whenever i see your pics i want to invite you out to karaoke. do you karaoke? It's my happy place.

Forty-Seven: Just wanted to let you know that I read your blog about the summit in Florida. My wife and I moved to Florida 2 years ago from (the Midwest) unknowing of these laws. I am so sorry that you and many others feel like they aren't accepted in a state within their own country. If you are ever forced to be in Florida for any reason, I want to make it very clear that my home is a safe place, and all my bathrooms have no limitations... (except the one in my little boys room... his aim isnt very good). Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope that each year my vote here in FL is a small step in the direction of equality

Forty-Eight: I wanted to tell you that you look so happy and you have a light now radiating from you. Also you are getting more gorgeous every day! I am so happy your spirit is finally free. You deserve all the happiness. You have always been such a kind person. I know it's not easy and you have struggles but you are just such a ray of joy, it's beautiful to watch.

Forty-Nine: I know I haven't been talking much but I'm very happy that you're calling the bigots out. As someone who's part of the LGBTQ+ community myself I‘m rooting for people like you Veronica!

Fifty: You look so genuinely happy!! Hope you have a great vacation Veronica!!!

Fifty-One: Veronica! I just wanted to tell you how much admiration I have for you. You have more courage in your big toe than most have in their entire body. Myself included. Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us.

Fifty-Two: Veronica- I have been following your journey and eagerly anticipating new chapters of learning who you are. I am so happy for you. And so glad you and (your wife) have found deeper connection throughout this. So many people are alienated by loved ones for being their authentic selves. I care for you and I am sorry I didn’t see this part of you, if I was supposed to. I have thought deeply about this and if I made your journey harder in any way. Lots I’ve been thinking about with your journey. And your make up is so natural looking, flawlessly done, and makes your eyes pop so amazingly. I also never knew your fashion sense was so beautiful. More than all the new outer stuff though, you seem happy and at peace. I am so happy for you.

Fifty-Three: Keep fighting the good fight, Veronica. We need to get these bigoted losers our of our community. Take care of yourself first. Self-care and trans joy are revolutionary.

Fifty-Four: Girl you got it going on! I did not realize how gorgeous you really are. I think going through it and making the change has been one of the best decisions you’ve probably made in your entire life. that body that face that hair your nails everything is On Point. in fact, Veronica you look about 20 years younger in every selfie you take, I swear to God you look so good.

Messages in a category of their own:

Fifty-Five: I can't imagine being closeted for 47 years, that must have been awful. I realized I was non-binary just over a year ago and I hate the fact that I'm not out yet. Speaking of which, how did you find the courage to come out, because I've been planning on doing that but I always last minute decide not to…(Veronica’s note: message goes into complicated family dynamics)…and now at this point I'm just ranting so sorry about that. I just don't have many people to talk to about this.

Fifty-Six: I have wanted to share with you about myself for a while because you and your posts have been an inspiration to me and have helped me a lot over the past year. To put it simply, I am transgender, specifically transfeminine. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with, and it's something I've felt and pretty much known about since I was at least 13 years old, if not even before that. I am not out publicly but I have been able to share with…and since seeing your journey has helped me so much, I wanted to also share it with you…My pronouns are she/her and my name is (name), despite not being seen as (that name) to most of the world at the moment.

Fifty-Seven: Hey Veronica - I'm going through a pretty hard time right now with a friend (lists external circumstances) and you have always been a mentor to me and a friend that I think I need to talk to soon when you have some time if that's OK.

Fifty-Eight: …it caused me to bury my own feelings of gender identity for (more than ten) years. I'm genderfluid, and almost nobody knows that. I came to terms with those feelings for the first time last month…(personal context removed)…that's one reason why I felt comfortable trusting you with that secret just now. I don't know when it will be safe for me to be out publicly, so I've got to be very careful about this.

Since the election or inauguration

Fifty-Nine: Hey! I wanted to check in on you this morning and remind you that I love you for who you are! You are amazing and bring so much light and beauty into this otherwise dark and ugly world. Please don't hesitate if you need someone. I already called (another person in our circle) crying this morning; we are in this together and will be stronger together.

Sixty: Hey Veronica- do you have a Real ID yet? I spoke with a friend at the ACLU and they’re advising that trans folks get a Real ID in blue states before May.

Sixty-One: Hey, just want to reach out and say no matter which oligarch has the reigns, you are seen, cared for, and valid

Sixty-Two: Hi Veronica, saying hello. I wanted to find a way to reach out to share I’ve been thinking of you and your family. And to pls always feel welcome to tell me what support looks like.

Sixty-Three: Hi Veronica, I know it’s been a long time since we worked together, but I just wanted to reach out for a few reasons. First and foremost, I hope you’re doing okay. What’s happening in America right now is heartbreaking, frustrating, and, honestly, terrifying. I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge your courage and authenticity—it means more than you might realize. I know we haven’t been in touch much over the years, but I want you to know that I’m here for you, no matter what. If you ever need a friend, support, or just someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Take care and stay safe.

Sixty-Four: I am so proud of you Veronica. Doing big things is hard. Doing big things publicly is even harder which makes it so important. Thank you for being an inspiration.

Sixty-Five: Hi Veronica. I saw a notification of a post you may have removed. I am looking for ways to get involved. The hate hurts, as a parent of gay and nonbinary children, and as a human being. Can you share what you posted? Thanks!

Sixty-Six: Hey Veronica, I see you and I can only imagine how you’re feeling right now. I know we haven’t seen each other in a while but I have always appreciated your humor, kindness, intelligence and strength. I’m proud of you and happy you’ve continued to have me a part of social media watching your beautiful journey unfolding. I wanted to extend my number if you need a friend during this time and happy to help in any way I can to listen and be of assistance. I can be here through tears, anger, laughs or whatever is needed

Sixty-Seven: Thinking of you in all the devastating news the past few weeks. I hope you've been finding ways to self-care. Sending hugs. Community is so important - more than ever right now. You are seen and valued!!